Happy New Year, someone I used to know…

Last week has been very difficult for me. Despite the desperate effort trying to forget you, half of me still keeps believing that just for a split second of your happiness, you will be somewhat reminded of me, as am I, always.

Sometimes I take the memories of us out of my heart and look at them again — the pictures and the songs, the handwritten notes and the wishes with countless gifts that we had been sending each other. But what am I doing? Lying to myself? I look at them feeling the direct stab to my heart. The tears fall, but there is sweetness in it. It’s a pain that I’ve kept inflicting to myself, because I enjoy it. I enjoy every moment of our used-to-bes. I enjoy our time quietly spending together; or merely the peaceful time watching you getting ready for work. I enjoy your smile and the castle of happiness we had built together. Then suddenly, I realize myself trying to reach for those moments, only to watch them fade further, and further, to gray, helplessly. I thought keeping hurting myself from these memories would motivate me to forget you more quickly, but it didn’t. I don’t know what pains me anymore. It’s just… empty.

I passed by your house today just to slip in a quick hand written note for your new year. I’d promised myself that would be the last time I would ever try to linger to what that doesn’t belong to me. Every word in this note, is from the bottom of my heart…

Hey!

I just come by to wish you a happy new year. I’ve made it through 3 days trying not to think about you, and it’s hella long. It feels like months until I look back… I don’t know how many times I’ve been telling myself it’s over, but a part of me keeps holding me back. It’s good though, it’s getting better. I am doing better too.

Anyway, I wish you a happy new year with smiles and fortune on your way. I wish that this year you will be filled with joy and happiness, and be able to do all the things you want to do. Take care of your health! You’re getting older ^^. Keep the red envelops lol. I’ll pick it up someday haha.

P/S: Just the last thing I wanted to tell you but I didn’t the last time. Remember you always asked me, “who cares?”

Someone does. Trust me. No matter what you do, there will always be that someone out there watching your steps and hoping you’re doing fine.

Happy new year, big brother…

And who knows how much tear did the smiley face in the note take from me?

There will always be some place in my heart for you. Always.